I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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