so explain again why im purple
no
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
