Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
