My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
