Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
