She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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