i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
