why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
