I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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