I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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