walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
