i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
