I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
