it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
whose parrot is this?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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