Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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