Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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