Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
