I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
