i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
