i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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