Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm always down for nudity.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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