well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
