She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
