i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
