You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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