So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
