Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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