just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
