Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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