"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
