I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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