i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
