Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
