i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
