I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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