Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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