Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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