You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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