Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
