apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
