matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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