he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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