i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
