she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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