In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't deserve a penis
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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