If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
