I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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