I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
