He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
