If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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