and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
