you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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