I love black thongs
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
