I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
