She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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