a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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