God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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