I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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