I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
