dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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