I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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