I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
