i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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