none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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