That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
