Soap is not a condiment
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
