i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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