I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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