fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
