I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize