is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
