Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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