I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
