So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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