i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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