i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
