and you said cock pushups were impossible
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
