Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
