Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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