I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
