you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
