And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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