Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
