What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize